Insanity is the Price of Love
by M. L. Chi
Summary: "What is sanity?" she whispered. Her mind was so cloudy, what little shred of sanity she had held onto all this time had finally slipped away from her.


'What is sanity?'

-Vergil from Devil May Cry 3 the manga

Code 2: Vergil

Slight Warning: It starts out as one-sided Inuyasha x Kagome and Sesshomaru x Rin but once you get to the bottom (third line-break you find where the Sesshomaru and Kagome is. The beginning is just set up). The Sesshomaru x Rin part is the shortest, then comes the Sesshomaru and Kagome scene and finally for first is the Inuyasha x Kagome. All are needed for this story though.

* * *

Standing in the wind, ebony hair flying, Kagome could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks. Her heart was heavy with sadness and excruciating pain. It was unlike something she had ever felt before. In the past she had experienced pain, a small cut and every once in a while the sharp sting of a broken heart, but never had she felt a pain as bad as this.

It made her wish for death.

One could never guess that from her attitude. She acted like Kagome, the spunky miko/school-girl of the future. The girl who helped anyone and anything she could and who wouldn't back down from a challenge, even if there were impossible odds. Perhaps that was why she clung to life even though her heart yearned for the grave.

But the grave didn't yearn for her.

In the past, behind her friend's backs or even in front of them, she tried to die. In fights she was reckless, taking on the largest, most dangerous opponent. She'd always do the hazardous things, the things her friends would tell her to let Inuyasha do, the things she wouldn't have if she had been in her right mind.

She wasn't in her right mind though.

A small giggle escaped her. The sound was small and innocent, an utter opposite of what she'd become. It seemed out of place amongst the heavy misery and tears, out of place amongst the pain and heart-break. It hurt even more as she heard the chimes of laughter that tumbled forth from her first love and his woman, Kikyo.

He chose her, the miko who tried to drag him to hell.

At first she had been jealous, bitter even. She had wanted to be friends with Kikyo before, had even believed they could. She'd tried to make friends with the dead miko when she had joined the group, a time when Inuyasha had seemed like he was going to chose her, the reincarnation. It became obviously apparent soon after that that had all been façade, that Inuyasha had truly been ready to choose Kikyo.

It became obviously apparent that he had only thought of her as a friend, maybe even a sister.

Brown eyes full of warmth and concern met hers. Kikyo must've understood that Kagome didn't like the way things had turned out. The once dead, now alive miko mouthed her thanks up to Kagome as she and Inuyasha passed beneath the cliff Kagome stood on.

She mouthed words that Kagome had once hoped to speak aloud.

Golden eyes met her gray, dead ones. His so warm, full of life and laughter and pity, pity for the time-traveler who was still in love with someone she could never have. Inuyasha understood that he had led Kagome on wild goose chase but he had never said anything, proving to Kagome just who he had thought about more.

It made her shriveled heart lurch.

How dare he look at her with pity! How dare he think she was okay with it! How dare he think it was okay! How dare he choose the dead woman over her!

How dare he think she was happy…

Tears are like rain, they fall to the ground, they are also wet and associated with pain, depression and sadness. People don't like tears and nor do they like rain. In the beginning Kagome had never understood why people didn't like either, but now she understood.

They were so damn irritating.

Feet hit earth, loud and hard. Heavy breaths escaped her chapped lips. It was hard to understand her motive behind running. For the past few months she had lived thru the misery and pain to do what was right, find the shards and defeat Naraku. They had done that but the well had disappeared some time during the fight. She had been trapped in the past but she hadn't runaway, even on the hardest days. Today was far from one of them, today was an easier day, barely anything had been rubbed in her face about Inuyasha choosing Kikyo.

Still, it was the day she had had enough.

She knew that as the sun set and the pale moon rose above the horizon, her friends were search through the woods, peaking behind trees and checking out caves, trying to find the miko of the future. She knew as the moon was high in the sky, the taiyja and the houshi would say goodnight and return to their hut. She knew that as the moon was a quarter of the way down, the once-dead miko would bow to her partner and return to their hut. She knew that as sun spilt over the horizon, the hanyou would cry out and sink to his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Not because he lost the girl he loved, because he lost his dearest friend.

Agony filled her heart once more, the lessening tears became a river instead of a trickle and a darkness clenched her heart. She had never thought that losing Inuyasha to Kikyo would hurt this much, she had never thought she _would_ lose him to her.

But she _did_ lose him and it _did_ hurt.

She didn't know where she was going. She didn't know how long it would take to get there. She didn't know what she was going to do when she got there. She didn't know why she was leaving now. She _did _know that this was a signal to move on. And she _did _know she was going to take it.

She was done with being the one left behind.

* * *

He sat, his back against a rough tree. In his arms he cradled the cold and broken body of his ward, his first love. A single tear slid down his cheek and landed on his ward's. He brushed back her bangs and laid a single kiss upon her forehead.

Rin, his ward, the girl who had managed to steal his unmovable heart, was dead.

And it was his fault.

He had fallen in love with her and she hadn't shared his feelings. Everyone had thought it'd be the other way around. She'd fall in love and he'd be the one to not share her feelings. They were all wrong though.

He had lashed out.

He had killed her.

The pain that had struck him as she shot him down, told him she didn't want to be his had destroyed any sense of control he had had. One moment he had his hand on hip, his lips pressed against her ear asking her to be his and the next blood dripped from his claws. Hours must've passed since he could remember because the sun was in a different position. In his arms he held a naked, broken and dead Rin. He could smell his scent on her and he was horrified at the thought of what must've happened during his back-out.

He had forced himself on her.

He had terrified her,

Now he held her broken form, weeping for his first love. It might have seemed as if he were not himself, like he was entirely different person to shed tears but to love someone, be rejected by them, lose control and end up with their death on your hands could make anyone cry.

Even the heartless western lord.

Even the strongest of the strong.

Many would say it was good she was dead, after all she had been his weakness, his down fall. She had been the thing that would make him like his father, something no one ever wanted to be. It was a disgrace among youkai to be like Sesshomaru's father, almost a sin.

It was a sin he committed

It was a disgrace he had been willing to take.

The daiyoukai stood, in his arms he still held Rin's limp form. It was time to let her go, let her body rest. He would bury her as if she had been a noble woman, the thing she would've been if she had accepted.

Somehow the thought of burying her did not sit well with him.

Her body laying in the dirt, rotting away made him regret his actions even more.

He could not understand why she hadn't wanted to be with him. Every bitch wanted him, every bitch tried for him and every bitch before her had failed. He knew that Rin had known he was a desirable prize. She should've been happy he wanted her. It was an honor to be with a daiyoukai because he loved you if you were a human. Rin had known that too.

But she had rejected him.

She _hadn't_ wanted him like any other bitch.

Maybe that was why had always favored her. She was unlike any other bitch. She was innocent, a warm light in his cold, dark world. She was a sweet, fleeting being that Kami's had given to him so they could laugh at him. She has been there to mock him. The Kami's had given her to him so that he would go from respected to laughing stock.

Suddenly he wasn't crying.

Suddenly he didn't love her.

Suddenly he _hated _her.

He stopped walking, his thoughts of burying her like a noble woman were replaced with the thoughts of casting her aside and walking away. Perhaps even killing something else afterwards. He wasn't thinking about how much he loved her or how much he regretted he had killed her; instead he was rejoicing that he had.

His weakness was dead.

He was no longer a love-sick fool.

He smirked, his lips drawing back to reveal long fangs. His smirk was feral, that of a beast. He was a beast though, and a beast didn't love, they lusted and desired but never did they love.

He had mistaken love with lust.

He had mistaken love with desire.

His arms came to his sides, the form he had been carrying landing with a thud on the solid, forest floor. Sesshomaru looked down at the corpse, his smirk remaining and an evil gleam filling his eyes. It was a waste really, such a pretty bitch, she probably would've been a good rut, she seemed capable. If only Rin had known what would've happened to her.

If only he had known it had just been lust.

If only he had known it hadn't been love.

* * *

Hours, that was how long the miko had been running. Every step farther from Inuyasha had made her heart feel lighter and put a small smile on her face. Her heart was still dreadfully heavy but she was feeling better. Not as suicidal perhaps.

Not as heavy.

Her feet carried her into yet another forest. It was probably exceedingly dangerous to traverse through but she felt so free, as if nothing could hold her back.

She felt as if she were flying.

Her foot hit something cold yet fleshy and the free miko came crashing down. She whipped her head around, her eyes seeking out what had caused her fall. She wasn't surprised that it was a corpse, she was surprised to see that it was the corpse of Sesshomaru's ward Rin.

A low, ominous growl behind her made her scared.

The first time since Inuyasha chose Kikyo, the miko of the future was scared. Fear had been frozen inside her along with all additional emotion beside sadness, depression, pain and misery. Now it was making itself known because of someone she had never feared before.

And it felt good.

"What are you doing here miko?" He demanded. His words made her heart pound and her blood pulse. It made her shake and it made her breathing become a barely audible sound.

Fear felt delightful.

"This Sesshomaru demands to know why you are here," he shouted. Something in her had been broken long before this but now one could tell what it was. She had broken her sense of fear.

And now it was fixed.

"Answer my question miko!" Sesshomaru yelled. A twisted, tainted smile crept across her face. He must've thought she was crazy.

But she was crazy.

"What is sanity?" she whispered. Her mind was so cloudy, what little shred of sanity she had held onto all this time had finally slipped away from her.

And she was glad it had.

"Miko…" A growl ripped through his throat, as if to warn than senseless miko that he would kill if she continued to act the way she was now. "This Sesshomaru has no answer for you. He never was sane to begin with.

Kagome wasn't shocked.

The laughs that filled the air were not normal. Sesshomaru was cold and calculating, he never smiled and surely, he never laughed. Kagome's were more expected. She was an insane girl with a broken heart and broken mind. The thing they shared though, was insanity.

They shared not having the capability to love.

"Miko answer my question; why are you hear? Certainly not because you wished to reminisce with this Sesshomaru," he asked. His silver eyebrows were raised and his gaze looked like he truly was curious.

Like _he_ cared.

"To be free, to not be chained to anyone or anything-" The miko closed her eyes, memories of her family, of times spent laughing with her friends and of times when she loved Inuyasha, "and to move on. To let Inuyasha go and to not be bitter that he never chose me. It was obvious from the beginning who he'd pick, I just turned my gaze away and pretended it was me he loved instead."

It was time to move on, time to let go and time to heal.

"This Sesshomaru admires you miko. Even in the hardest of situations, you do not let them beat you. Perhaps if I had been more in control of myself…" he trailed off. Kagome opened her eyes, an inquisitive look settling in them.

Sesshomaru was also admitting to things and moving on, or so it seemed.

"Sesshomaru, when were you not in control?" the miko asked. She cocked her head to one side, confusion more evident in her features.

Sesshomaru wasn't like his normal self it appeared.

"This Sesshomaru lost control of himself and he… and he… he raped and killed the one that had stolen his heart. How…?" he trailed off again but Kagome understood.

How had he lost control?

"You killed Rin." It was not a question but a statement. Kagome wasn't surprised by his confession, not at all was she surprised.

Because it appeared nothing could make her surprised.

"This Sesshomaru did. He doesn't know whether to feel guilty or relieved though," he said. Perhaps he was waiting for her to tell him what to feel.

And she knew what to say.

"Don't feel either. It is not your fault you lost yourself but then don't be relieved, she didn't get to experience all life had for her," the miko advised. "If you feel neither, you can save yourself so much pain and misery, perhaps you can even move on faster."

Both knew what was coming next.

"Can I travel with you Sesshomaru?" the miko asked. Sesshomaru nodded his head, this decision felt so right to him and to her as well.

It made them both happy.

After all the misery and all the pain, two broken souls found each other. Even in a short conversation, they both helped each other move on and even look to a future that might one day be happy. Through all the hurt and agony of heart-break, both had cracked under the pressure and yet they did not.

Even ruined souls and damaged minds can have happy endings.

* * *

"If all you can do is cry… then it's better that it's gone."

-Vergil from Devil May Cry the manga

Code 1: Dante

The End

AN: I guess with writing this I was in a Vergil mood. That is why I gave you two of his many awesome quotes. God, almost, wait scratch that, _every_ line from his mouth is quotable. Such wisdom for such a strange character. I personally think he plays the cold-hearted bastard much better than Sesshomaru does. And he even is slightly insane. If you like Sesshomaru try DMC3 because of Vergil, I believe you like it.

All right enough of me fan-girling about Vergil. The inspiration behind this was Vergil (not again!), Evanescence, Within Temptation and my own dark and depressing feelings. I like this story because of the darkness in it. How truly, we aren't sane and we aren't perfect. We are so flawed as human beings that we can't even tell that we are insane. Sanity isn't real, it's a dream.

Enough of my very dark thoughts. Thanks for reading, hoped ya liked it, feedback would be nice and have great day.

Bye!

Also: Note that this was done with 3 and half hours of sleep. Yawn, finally getting around to making my author notes reasonably understandable.


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